Self Acceptance and Self Love

Self acceptance and self-love in my opinion are more important than most realize. For example some people are so co dependent that they forget to be their own whole and unique person. Then again growing up as an only child I learned how to entertain myself without the help of anyone else. I have also watched people who grow into these false realities because they never accepted who they were as a person and in their forties do not understand why they are completely and utterly miserable with every aspect of their lives.

Growing up without siblings there is an abundance of self-reflection time. Let me tell you sooner or later that leads one into a path of is this who I really am or is that. This also lead to having full-out debates with myself out loud arguing both sides of the topic from time to time and still to this day. If Being an only child ever came with a benefit it was that I always had to be okay with who I was growing up because most of the time it was just me. People always pity us only children for not having that sibling bond, but I see now as an adult that there are some unfair advantages such as: enjoying alone time, more independence, and often growing up as your own person instead of in someone else’s shadow.

I have known in my heart who I was as a person since I was just five years old so I guess self acceptance has always been a part of my life even when I hid it from the outside world. Once you accept and embrace who you really are as a person I guarantee the right people and the right opportunities in life will begin to show up. Yes certain people will also probably walk out on you, but don’t worry they weren’t supposed to be there anyway.

Check out the other collaboration pieces at the blogs below:

Ajibola Sunday https://ajibolasunday.wordpress.com/

Barb Caffrey https://elfyverse.wordpress.com/

Camilla Motte http://www.momsonthego.com/

Divyang Shah https://ithinkmyway.wordpress.com/about/

Ipuna Black https://ipunablack.com/

Jane Love http://www.harmoniousjoy.com/

Joel A. Scott http://www.joelascott.com/blog/

Jothish Joseph https://jothishjoseph.wordpress.com/

Manal Ahmad https://thatgirl196.wordpress.com/

Mylene Orillo https://myleneorillo.com/

Nicolle K https://storiesofahsi.wordpress.com/

Sadaf Siddiqi https://sadafsiddiqi.wordpress.com/

Sonyo Estavillo https://lilpickmeup.com/

Tajwar Fatma https://lifeaswehaveneverknownit.wordpress.com/

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Successful VS. Fulfilling

As you probably already know everyone is looking for something in life. Some are looking for love, fame or success, But I am just looking for fulfillment. if you’re looking for success you are going to constantly the opinions of others and their judgements toward you, whereas a fulfilling life comes from within by meeting your own standards and expectations. I’m sorry, but none of my goals in life need to be approved or applauded by anyone other than myself. If you are happy and not causing anyone any harm why would anyone else’s opinion matter.

With social media it seems that we have come to a point where most people are posting play by plays of their life silently begging for their friends’ approval. Some of you may even remember a time in our lives before social media where nobody knew when you were doing anything unless you had called someone and made plans with them. Nobody knew when you were getting ice cream or going to the gym and back then it did not affect their day.

I know it might take a miracle, but I would love to see a higher percentage of people in the world in search of fulfillment instead of success.  People seem to have forgotten that you yourself are the only person that will truly understand your great accomplishments. Nobody has experienced the same things as you so it is virtually impossible for them to understand why your goals are what they are. With that alone you should stop letting other people determine how well you live your life and start judging your accomplishments yourself.

Get out there, fulfill your soul’s needs and be happy.

In Times of Change 

In times of change we each react in our own way. Some of us hate change while others embrace it, at the end of the day you have to do what works best for you. Growing up I was never that fond of change, but as the years have passed and I’ve overcome certain obstacles I’ve become a bit more spontaneous.

The old me used to need everything planned down to the minute and things needed to always go to plan. Compared to now where an hours notice is just generally appreciated. There’s no more weekly plan or schedule, at least while I’m taking classes. Now I mostly just listen to my body in trying to improve my physical recovery and take it one moment at a time. Sometimes this means having a great week of physio and occupational and taking the weekend to burn out and sleep for almost an entire day. The focus lately has been trying to find ways to better incorporate using my recovering hand into everyday life. One would think that I’d be a pro at this by now, but believe me every day comes with its own set of struggles.

I’m glad that I am no longer afraid of change as I became more open to opportunities that can come along. Despite being more open to change I have become a little more distant while I process and adjust to changes in life. This usually concerns people, but I have always done my best pondering alone. While working things out with myself depending on the size of the changes I can withdraw from my normal social activities for months at a time. I try not to distance myself from friends during these times, but at these times I usually end up falling off the fave of the earth for a couple or a few months that get back into things full swing like nothing ever happened.

From time to time I even have moments where I’m “ride or die” about any big decision that I may face. While these times come with good adventure and stories to tell this was a major change from me even just four years ago. When not being spontaneous I do a quick pro and con list in my head to see if said thing will move me closer to my goals or further away and go from there.

How do you handle or deal with change?

Do What Makes You Happy

Notice how the title is not do what makes others happy? This is because despite what you may think you cannot control how others feel about any given thing. genuine happiness generally comes from within so you should be focusing on doing the things that make you happy. Note that the things that bring you happiness also may change as you grow and develop as a person. You also may be thinking that this sounds a little selfish, but taking care of your own needs is an important thing we should all be doing.

Nothing is less satisfying than doing something to meet someone else’s expectations or standards of you. As Someone who tried to meet someone’s expectations of me for many years nothing feels better than just doing things to reach my goals and make myself happy. This was another way having half my body paralyzed positively benefited my life. I had to change my focus from making everyone else happy to focusing on my needs. I do not doubt that if it had not happened I would still not be a priority in my own life.

No matter the medium throughout my entire life art has always been one of those things that centers me and brings me to my happy place. That being said art has been my biggest focus during my latest writing hiatus. Whether it’s drawing, or something else It’s one of those versatile things that I can also use to retrain my affected hand. It is nice to be able to hit two birds with one stone yet again. Side note: I’m sorry I have been absent as of late I haven’t been able to make the words work so I’m taking a break.

Back To Basics: Honour The Process

For the last couple months I have been trying to modify and minimize my writing process; no wonder I have not accomplished what I had aimed to. My pre writing process can take over an hour before I get to the writing stage so as you can imagine there are times when I wish it was shorter. Unfortunately my creative process is a step by step process that can only occasionally be ignored.

  1. attempt to get strung out on caffeine-getting to the strung out stage with coffee can be a little difficult so after a pot of coffee I’ll switch to instant espresso and or chocolate covered coffee beans for a little extra kick.
  2. initiate solo dance party– Just as I have probably mentioned countless times solo dance parties are one of the biggest keys to productivity. This has just been the way since before college. every essay and assignment I have completed since my grade twelve year started with dancing it out. One would think that getting moving and increasing energy levels would make it harder to focus, but it does the opposite to me.
  3. dance until I start to crash or the ideas start flowing – Depending on mood and mindset this can  take ten minutes or over an hour each day is a little bit different. Sometimes the music makes a difference, but I have a series of playlists tailored to each emotion I try to portray when writing. Each playlist could be named all the feels numbers one through ten haha.
  4. Write until frustrated with story itself or until falling asleep –Yes sometimes I get mad at the characters in my own stories, and yes sometimes it gets to the point where I rewrite a scene or chapter a few times in one day. At this point if I get stuck there are usually multiple seated solo dance parties repeated until I can finish the scene.
  5. repeat- depending on the day I can repeat the entire cycle up to three or four times depending on how productive the day has been and how long I attempt to be awake and functioning.

Cutting out Coffee… Failed Attempt

As some of you previously read I was trying to cut out my reliance on coffee. Yes I can cut it out and even started to feel okay, but it turns out that I do not get anything done during the day without it. It may have taken an entire hour off of my morning routine, but was not worth my lack of productivity. two weeks away did reset my tolerance a little bit though. Ultimately I wanted to go cold turkey, but clearly that was not going to work at this point in time.

The worst part of no coffee was my productivity levels… as you probably noticed I have not posted more than one blog post during this entire time. I think it’s time I tried to shift my focus onto my next novel and only posted for you guys once or twice a week. I feel fairly indifferent towards my blog right now and need to go focus on something bigger until this passes. If nothing else right now I need to go back to turning coffee into books and not just doing occupational therapy all day. One day I managed to write for most of a day, but out of a couple of weeks a single day is nothing. haha

Today I finally broke the coffee fast and not only did I write a blog post but I wrote over a thousand words of my current project. Apparently without coffee my daily routine is completely broken haha. Looks like I will be going back to a pot of coffee a day if I want to meet my personal first draft deadline. I think this experiment proved that some things just aren’t meant to be changed.

Make Peace With The Past

No matter your background or you come from we all have a part or parts of our journey we are not proud of. Instead of dwelling on the past and wishing you had done something differently accept that the past is the past and try to make sure you do not end up there again. I promise that no matter how much you think about it you won’t change anything so chin up and keep moving forward. Try to remember that those rough patches likely helped shape you into the stronger person you are today. If you don’t like who you are today start taking steps towards being the person you’ve always dreamed of being.

Focusing on your past is just as bad as focusing on the future without being able to see the present moment for its entirety. I guess between having a stroke and losing my best friend within the same year taught me that nothing is guaranteed. Personally certain things in the past just make me sad and that’s enough of a reason to focus on the present with a relatively positive outlook. Life happens and then it either breaks us or changes us. I’m a firm believer in everything happening for a reason, if something happens more than once you obviously didn’t learn the lesson. That being said everyone you meet comes into your life for a reason, not everyone is going to be a blessing. Some people only come into your lives to treat you a lesson.

If you continue to dwell on the past instead of reflecting, assessing and moving on you are not giving yourself a chance. Instead of chaining yourself to the past and any mistakes or situations let yourself move forward. Give yourself a chance to change and move forward maybe even building something better. You may not think you deserve it, but you are also the only one setting limits on yourself from making the future better for yourself.