Why Do You Do It?

No really, why do you do any of the things that you do in a day? whether you realize it or not just like the characters in the books you read we have internal and external motivators as well. Unless you are mindful and observe each thing you do a lot of people never look past the face value of doing something then wonder why they are stuck or in a rut. If you ever want to make sense of your actions figure out what that motivator is and things should be more clear.

In some senses people are like sheep rarely knowing why they are doing something, just doing as they are told fairly obediently. How different would your day-to-day actions look if you took the time to analyze the motivator behind them? Personally It looks fairly close to how things do now versus what they looked like before I took steps toward being a lot more mindful in every aspect of life. A year ago I wast trying to fit in with the rest of the world working an eight to four job that made me hate my life, so honestly I’m glad I analyzed and took steps in the right direction.

Instead of doing things because society expects me to I do things that get me closer to my next goal, which right now is the writing of two novels. Right now I have to keep in mind the bigger goal of going back to school in about a year for about six years minimum. I’m trying to keep myself as busy as possible in order to be successful when I jump into school course loads. For me the motivation behind each of my actions is “The bigger picture”.


Life With A Missing Sense

Personally Life after vision loss has definitely been an adventure from one day to the next. Most of the time I’m fairly well-adjusted other than when in a bright space without polarized sunglasses. All it takes to confuse my blind spots is a single glare of light and I cannot see anything clearly. whether indoor or outdoor any situations with bright lighting are the least ideal when it comes to getting my eyes to focus and see something.

Over the last few years I have adapted to relying on my ears to see a lot more than my eyes, which can get very interesting. This helps when i am in situations where I cannot get my eyes to focus to see as well as always having my blind cane with me in case I need it. Before realizing I forgot my fancy sunglasses at an event this weekend I had honestly kind of forgot how much my visual field has affected me, because I have not gone more than a day here and there without my sunglasses in years. I guess in the meantime I guess I just get to be extra blind if I head outside.

When I lost these parts of my vision the sense that compensated was definitely hearing, family would argue at times that it got worse, but the truth is it just got more selective haha. Using sound to locate the things around me can get confusing, but I can usually estimate how close or far something is from me just from its sound whether it be footsteps or a vehicle. That being said there are definitely some situations where it is virtually impossible to use sound to see such as: loud or crowded venues. In super loud settings I get lt gets confusing with a hum of noise coming from all directions and getting my eyes to stay in focus becomes extremely difficult. People assume that this makes life harder when really it just changes the way I view things (literally).

Month 40 In Recovery

For the first time  in some while I seem to have plateaued a bit and that’s okay. Yes I am not progressing as much as I would like to be, but I have been fairly lazy lately. I am still seeing progress it’s just within fine motor skills so it is generally less obvious. For example unless my hand locks up  typing and writing are becoming a lot easier.

This month I did not notice much if any improvement in regards to my visual field, but I don’t mind because that also means that there were significantly less migraines. With publication and a handful of social events this past month I have been both extremely busy and in all downtime completely preoccupied. It was odd not having the time to focus on therapy as  much as  I would have liked. This was definitely a result of my choices so I know if I want to speed things back up I will have to refocus and get to work. I imagine that I will catch up where I fell behind over the next couple months at most.

This month despite not being active in a gym setting, I managed to walk an average of seven kilometers a day which has helped me improve my gait. I cannot believe that I have almost been home for eleven months now and am just starting to adjust to  being here haha. I think it’s about time I got back into fit mode and started training in either running or pole fitness again or maybe something completely new.

Why so unkind

If you do not have anything good to say do not say anything at all. Just one of those things they used to say to us as children that so many people do not carry on with throughout life. If you cannot treat someone with kindness and respect you should leave them be and not interact with one another. If you dislike or hate someone and think that making them feel bad in any way will make you feel better; you are wrong. If you cannot solve your disputes or deal with your issues like adults just keep them to yourself.

One of the things that I do not understand about human behavior is why so many people are so horrible and cruel to one another. Treating each other how we ourselves would like to be treated would go a long ways in present day society. Maybe if more people kept this in the back of their minds the world would be a kinder more enjoyable place. Imagine what the world would look like if we all tried to gain perspective and understanding instead of hating one another for anything.

Why do so many people expect others to treat them like royalty when they treat everyone around them like peasants? I do not see why someone would think that is acceptable when we are all looking for equality in life. Who cares if “Joey” lives a different life than you or likes different things. Despite societal expectations there is not enough room for all of us to be like “Barbie”.

Keep Moving Forward 

I promise that no matter your goals or the industry there will always be set backs or times when things are not moving as quickly towards your goal as you would like.This is where you need to persevere and keep moving forward your goals no matter how large or small are worth the effort. I cannot tell you the amount of times I wanted to give up on my paralysis/ stroke recovery (Mostly because I stopped counting after twenty-five).

Perseverance is something that I notice my generation lacking a lot of these days and they wonder why they are not successful. This makes me glad that my mother made me take nine years of martial arts as a child. I may have hated most of it, but it still taught me the discipline I needed to be successful in all other areas of life.

As difficult as moving forward can be it is very important if you ever want to achieve anything. Then there are goals that are other’s expectations mirrored onto us, and those goals suck. It is even more difficult to reach a goal when you have no interest and the drive behind it is not your own. If someone demands that I do something or meet their expectations to meet what they think I should be doing with my life the chances of me doing it are zip, zilch, zero, none. Doing something just to maintain face and entertain certain people is never worth it so stop trying.


Guest Post: Growing Through Poison

Guest Post From Hannah

Hopes and dreams are perfectly fine, as long as you never achieve them.

The clouds are for rain, not your head. Get it out of the clouds.

Grow up. Get real. Think straight.

People get in your head, like a thick disease, looking to slowly kill you, from the inside out. Your ideas are only meant for their judgement. The more you dream, the less chance you have at survival.

Follow what people tell you. If they tell you something is more “normal”, do it: “normal” is good in their eyes. Listen to them. Be normal. Don’t be unique and different; there’s no such thing as individuality.

Machine-made humans, all following one another. Individuality is confusing and complex; keep it simple, and nobody will ever get on your case.

I’m human.

I have hopes, and dreams, and ideas that I really want to pursue one day.

I don’t want to be some robot, that follows society with everything they sand I do; I’m unique and different on my own, and I like it like that.

Society doesn’t control me. And people who judge me don’t control me, either. Sure, I’ll get judged and hated and scrutinized, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is me, following my heart.

It never used to be that way, though….

I love stories. I love emotions, and feelings, and heart. I want to create something that gets people to {feel} something, whether that’s through art, writing, film – I want people to {feel}.

I’d always been told I’d never get out. I’d never make it, I’d never be able to do what I want to do. Ever.

After a while, I started to believe it. People’s hatred towards me for my ideas, it seeped into my bloodstream. It broke my heart to bits. It made me sick, mentally and physically. It made me make a lot of decisions that I absolutely regret today. I was dying, because of what these people poisoned me with.

I wished for it all to just stop, to go away. It never did. In the world we live in, it’ll never go away.

Until I couldn’t take it…. I remember it was raining. I lived with toxic people, in some apartment that made me terrified. They were gone, but their words still rang in my ears. My dying heart had had enough…. I packed my shit and left.

I’ve cut toxic people from my life. A LOT of toxic people. Ex friends, family members, people I used to trust with my life. And I started rebuilding myself, one breath at a time.

Now? I’ve got a strong heart, open mind, and a goal in sight. I’m not where I want to be yet, but I’m well on my way. I’m strong enough to be myself and get there. It’ll take some heart and soul and pure willpower, but I will get there.

And if you have hopes and dreams and ideas, by all means, pursue them. We are all unique, and magical, and creative. Pursue and obtain your goals, even if it takes some time to do it.

We can do it.



Having Dreams Is Good

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a dreamer. When someone asks me if I have dreams I respond with, “What is life without dreams.” That being said If I am not working towards achieving a goal or dream I am kind of like the living dead with no motivation or drive to do anything, similar to just floating through life adrift. No lies, I am one of those workaholics that struggles to actually take a full day off and focus on self-care.

I am at one of those weird stages in life that for some reason meeting my goals and dreams is of higher importance than taking proper care of myself. This is an approach that does not work for everyone, but for right now it suits me just fine.

Being as introverted as I am I guess it is sort of inevitable that I have always been a dreamer. There are only so many hours a week that I attempt to be social… usually only three or four, which in turn leaves a lot of hours to think about the future and all the things I could do. As much as I like to think I know what is going on and that I have it all figured out I really just take things one day at a time. Please do not ever let someone talk you down for having dreams or being a dreamer. You just do what you need to do to make it through each day.