There’s No Fight Left 

I was born a fighter, and yet as I sit here there is literally no fight left. There are countless reasons that have lead to this, but I’m only going to cover the most substantial ones. Perhaps spending every second of the last 3 years just trying to get my body to function as it used to. Maybe it has to do with the fact that we live in a world that has more hate than love. Or perhaps it’s that I’ve fought my whole life just to be myself and it’s never enough. I’m not sorry I am who I am and if anyone wants to debate or argue my choices don’t even think about it, just keep it to yourself. 

My whole life I’ve had a lot medically going on, but more so in the last three years trying to recover from a left side hemiplegia. By the time I was eleven I knew and fully understood my “disease” I was epileptic which lead to a very controlled environment with much less of a childhood. I was diagnosed at age 3 and had a few years seizure free from around age seven to age eleven. From age eleven to fifteen I was an epileptic mess with the frequency increasing from once a month to three or four times a week. This lead to the testing of my first brain surgery which  was successful for 8 months before I started having them again. Thankfully less often, but at 14 months post op I had more in 3 days than I did in a bad month which resulted in a second surgery resulting in a stroke.

I’m also really sick of all the hate in the world around us. I shouldn’t hear any hate or descrimination of any kind. People can be so horribke to onebanother and it is seen as acceptable by the masses. I hope that in my life time the world does become a better place than it is right now. This is the 21st century and for some messed up reason there are countries regressing out there. I’d especially love it if that by the time I die there’s no more wars going on on the whole earth because none of that is necessary in any case.

It’s taken a heck of a lot of hard work to get to where I am right now. Right now since everything has calmed down I need to just chill out and try and recouperate. Yes I’ve made mistakes, but all of my choices were my own and quite frankly I’m just proud that I’m alive to tell my stories. If someone doesn’t want to be in my life I dont want them to be. I am who I am take me or leave me I’m not going to fight anymore.

Cheers 🙂

Addy 

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