This recovery process has definitely had its up and downs, but lately it’s been mostly just ups. having a cut up optic nerve and recovering from a left side hemiplegia I’m supposed to be retraining both my eyes and my left side. I can finally say I’m able to train them both. this has taken so time to get to a stage in my physical recovery to be able to adjust to my blind spots. to be exact it’s taken 34.5 months to get to this stage. In order to train my eyes my opthomologist insit’s that I play action video games with violence to train my eyes to move quickly. Up until a couple days ago my hand couldn’t keep up to the game.
Finally having my hand at a stage where I can train to aspects at the same time is the best feeling in the world. This is definitely a two birds with one stone situation. It’s guaranteed to feel great when you acomplished something you’ve been working towards for so long. Yes I’ve had my plateaus with no progress what so ever, but I’ve passed each of those points and proved that it’s worth it to not give up. as long you you believe in the process and take the needed steps to reach your goal you can male it happen. The finishing touches in this recovery could take between a few months and a few more years, but I’m determined to get there.
Please Fellow People stop giving up on yourselves and your dreams. If you have a goal start by writing out the different steps to achieve it and get off your butt and make it happen. I will admit that yeah I’ve definitely been discouraged and thought of giving up on this whole process. The only thing that kept me on the path to recovery is the fact that I have a list of hundreds of things I want to do before I die. All of the things on that list require two functioning arms, legs, and hands. Sure I’m not exactly where I’d like to be right now, but I’m a hell of a lot closer than I was the day after surgery.
Yes over the years I’ve become very Grinch like towards the holiday season and Christmas. I don’t like the consumerism side of the holidays and how now it is just about presents. When on my own I prefer to order in with some friend and maybe some wine. I would rather just spend time with loved ones with no presents at all. Last year if I hadn’t come home for Christmas I was going to order pizza and drink wine while having a Netflix marathon. Not gonna lie I was disappointed when this didn’t happen.
I think a lot of my dislike for the holidays stems from having to spend time with a bunch of people I neither like nor trust. I have also never had strong ties with any of my family that “family” feeling people talk about is something I’ve never experienced. I’m also totally fine with this I would way rather spend time in my own company than try to create pointless small talk with someone. I love being social with my people but none of my family fits into that category. Most workplaces have dreaded holiday parties and I avoid those too. If I wanted to hang out with coworkers outside of work I would, but not the whole crew of them in my free time.
I have no Issues being a Grinch It helps keep the Christmas enthusiasts away. I’m also that person that very few people can ever shop for so already years ago I said no gifts. Even living near most of my family I’ve declined all but one event invite. I can guarantee that there would be a heated argument with one of the drunks if I went so there’s no point. I also decline if the person only tries to keep in touch around the holidays. To all the people who enjoy the holidays power to them!
Greif can be a major pain in the ass. Not a single day goes by where I don’t miss your physical presence in my life. It’s been about two and a half years and some days it hurts like it was just yesterday when we lost you. Days like today I miss all the years we trained together and you constantly kicking my ass both literally and metaphorically. You had a Smile that could light up an entire room and a very kind soul. I miss you you badass there are so many things I wish I could tell you. You were and still are my favorite punk, I wish I could gI’ve you one more hug and remind you how special you are.
One of the not fun parts of grief is that it comes in waves. thankfully I’ve learned how to ride these waves well over the last couple years, but the pain never really goes away. If you had been taken by natural causes this probably wouldn’t be as difficult, sadly that’s not how things went down. Growing up you were one of my main people and it is still strange not seeing you a couple times a week. I miss your sassy attitude and all our belly laughs. You were kind of like the sistereo I never had. You deserved so much better than what he did to you.
K was one of those people that changed the lives of everybody she met for the better. She was an inspiration to all and all of her friends and family knew that she would do great things in life. Unfortunately that was taken away from her before she had the chance to make the headlines. There isn’t a single thing I don’t miss about her. I miss it all even the times she made me bleed while training . she was a phenomenal martial arts partner. I wish she could knock me on my ass just one more time, She may be gone but never will she be forgotten.
I meant to post this a while back, but anyways I’d like to thank each and every one of you for all the blog love. Without my wonderful followers I probably wouldn’t try and update this blog at least a couple times a week. Seeing more likes on certain tyes of posts definitely helps guide the content I’m posting. I started time shish for fun and never thought time shish at in just over 2 months I’d have almost 40 followers. Thank you for all your support you are the reason I do what I do. If at any point there are topics that you’d like me timeshisgato write about or would like timeshisgato hear my thoughts on please comment or head over timeshisgato my Facebook page and let me know. I’d much rather write content you are interested in than things that bore you.
As an artist of a few different medias I’m constantly on the look out for inspiration. I personally can find Inspiration in almost anything around me. some of those things can be a picture or someone’s hat or even someone’s mannerisms towards something. A benefit of being an only child is being able to be entertained by anything also making it easier when I look for inspiration. Being inspired definitely helps both my writing and my artistic process so over the years I’ve found specific places and things that I can go to when really stumped.
Sometimes I can also get inspired by a life or world event. These senarios can turn into a large unexpected plot twist if I’m writing or completely change the style or feel of a drawing or painting. occasionally it can even be a hindrance, but there are always ways to work around things like this and get back on track. Thankfully a lot of my characters were inspired by real people in my life where I just modify their name and physical traits so they aren’t exposed or given away.
Whether it’s a gift or a curse I love being able to pull inspiration out of anything. It can even just be something I notice while people watching at a coffee shop or the library. My favourite place when I need inspiration for a characters style is a local bead and jewellery shop that sells locally made jewellery. Due to the artists all having different styles I can usually find a few pieces to put together a characters look for the story. As an artist of any medium I hope you all have ways of finding Inspiration or a muse to get your projects done. There’s nothing worse than being stumped and having to put something on hold especially if there’s a deadline.
Until next time,
If you’ve experienced a type of plegia you’ll likily understand the things I’m about to talk about. the good days are great and the tough ones can be nothing but a struggle.they are the days where it starts off on a bad note and it doesn’t go up from there. the days where I’m left wondering if I’ll ever live a normal life ever again. There’s even a list of things that start it off this way.
- collapsing trying to get out of bed
- Not being able to move appendages the way I’m supposed to.
- Not being able to control the muscles in my face
Collapsing trying to get out of bed is my number one least favorite way to start the day. I can guarantee that I won’t leave the house do to the fear of collapsing in public. It’s definitely a fear of mine that one day I’ll be walking down the street and my knee will give out leaving me sprawled out, face in a concrete sidewalk, and possibly end up back in a hospital. I’ve spent so much time in hospitals my family has learned to carry either an uno deck or a deck of cards in case they get the call. Logical reason to avoid them like the black plague right.
Another big one is the inability to move certain things. For example I can only rarely move my toes on the affected side, less than half the time is it a controlled movement that I was trying for. Or when I could move a specific way the day before, but can’t the next day it gets both very frustrating and defeating. Sure this is common when a neurological pathways is weak due to retraining my neurons to fire correctly again, but it still sucks. Being a perfectionist has definitely helped and hindered this process equally. Sometimes the muscles are sore too, usually this happens the day after overdoing it.
Then there’s the one that’s equally not fun. imagine your body telling you you’re too stressed and not dealing with it properly by not having control of the muscles in your face. imagine walking into the bathroom to see that you can’t even smile. the only way I can describes how that feels is it’s kind of like the skin is falling off my face. this is for sure the scariest scariest thing I deal with since the stroke. it is also the other thing that will cause me to clear my calendar and spend an entire day at home either relaxing or writing. Days where it is obvious that I have a slight disability are the ones where I can guarantee you won’t see me out and about.
These are just the most prominent things on my tough Days. There are many other smaller ones, but this should be enough to paint the picture. Those listed above I think are enough for anyone to understand that I’ve usually got enough on my mind to not care about “first world problems”. I’m sorry that I don’t have the energy for fake miniscule problems. If you come to me with some deep shit you need to get off your chest I promise I’ll listen. Just remember that just because I keep most of my struggles to myself doesn’t mean I’m not going through my own things.
I’ve got some great news to share with all of you. As some of you know I’ve been working on retraining my affected hand to write. This has turned out very well and better than I had anticipated. As of today I can actually do my writing with my left hand the affect side instead of my dominant side. Turns out the human brain is easier to rewire than we thought. other than being a little physically draining this whole process had really just taken persistence. what dhocks me the most about it is that I was told I would never do any of these things again. I wasnt even supposed to walk on my own ever again.
I also love that now my daily writing has become part of my physio. With the changes I have seen in the last month I now remember how much of a luxury dexterity is. along with writing I’ve got enough grip strength to open those tricky jars too. making the decision to just go full throttle until I recover was a really good idea. Compared to where I started I’m starting to see that there will be an end to my recovery. I’m guessing that if I continue at this rate I could reach a full recovery within the next year or two.
No matter the goal whether it be personal, work, or health related don’t give up on them. The larger the goal the better it feels as you approach the finish line. If I hadn’t decided I was going to beat this then I would still be spending my days in a hospital bed not living life. I pushed through and here I am using the book I’m writing about this who process to help me further recover. Sure I get tired faster doing it this way, but who has said no to a mid day nap when the oportinity presents itself? Nobody I know personally. Sleep is also a big factor in healing so I have no regrets what so ever.
until next time,