Guest Post: Growing Through Poison

Guest Post From Hannah

Hopes and dreams are perfectly fine, as long as you never achieve them.

The clouds are for rain, not your head. Get it out of the clouds.

Grow up. Get real. Think straight.

People get in your head, like a thick disease, looking to slowly kill you, from the inside out. Your ideas are only meant for their judgement. The more you dream, the less chance you have at survival.

Follow what people tell you. If they tell you something is more “normal”, do it: “normal” is good in their eyes. Listen to them. Be normal. Don’t be unique and different; there’s no such thing as individuality.

Machine-made humans, all following one another. Individuality is confusing and complex; keep it simple, and nobody will ever get on your case.

I’m human.

I have hopes, and dreams, and ideas that I really want to pursue one day.

I don’t want to be some robot, that follows society with everything they sand I do; I’m unique and different on my own, and I like it like that.

Society doesn’t control me. And people who judge me don’t control me, either. Sure, I’ll get judged and hated and scrutinized, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is me, following my heart.

It never used to be that way, though….

I love stories. I love emotions, and feelings, and heart. I want to create something that gets people to {feel} something, whether that’s through art, writing, film – I want people to {feel}.

I’d always been told I’d never get out. I’d never make it, I’d never be able to do what I want to do. Ever.

After a while, I started to believe it. People’s hatred towards me for my ideas, it seeped into my bloodstream. It broke my heart to bits. It made me sick, mentally and physically. It made me make a lot of decisions that I absolutely regret today. I was dying, because of what these people poisoned me with.

I wished for it all to just stop, to go away. It never did. In the world we live in, it’ll never go away.

Until I couldn’t take it…. I remember it was raining. I lived with toxic people, in some apartment that made me terrified. They were gone, but their words still rang in my ears. My dying heart had had enough…. I packed my shit and left.

I’ve cut toxic people from my life. A LOT of toxic people. Ex friends, family members, people I used to trust with my life. And I started rebuilding myself, one breath at a time.

Now? I’ve got a strong heart, open mind, and a goal in sight. I’m not where I want to be yet, but I’m well on my way. I’m strong enough to be myself and get there. It’ll take some heart and soul and pure willpower, but I will get there.

And if you have hopes and dreams and ideas, by all means, pursue them. We are all unique, and magical, and creative. Pursue and obtain your goals, even if it takes some time to do it.

We can do it.

Candidly,

Hannah

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Having Dreams Is Good

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a dreamer. When someone asks me if I have dreams I respond with, “What is life without dreams.” That being said If I am not working towards achieving a goal or dream I am kind of like the living dead with no motivation or drive to do anything, similar to just floating through life adrift. No lies, I am one of those workaholics that struggles to actually take a full day off and focus on self-care.

I am at one of those weird stages in life that for some reason meeting my goals and dreams is of higher importance than taking proper care of myself. This is an approach that does not work for everyone, but for right now it suits me just fine.

Being as introverted as I am I guess it is sort of inevitable that I have always been a dreamer. There are only so many hours a week that I attempt to be social… usually only three or four, which in turn leaves a lot of hours to think about the future and all the things I could do. As much as I like to think I know what is going on and that I have it all figured out I really just take things one day at a time. Please do not ever let someone talk you down for having dreams or being a dreamer. You just do what you need to do to make it through each day.

Triumphant thursday’s, Submissions Welcome

Hey everyone, over the past few weeks I have been putting a lot of thought into starting a weekly feature showcasing posts where someone overcame all odds of an illness, mental or physical. The kind of inspirational stories where the underdog was not supposed to succeed but somehow did.

guidelines

  1. submissions must be 400 to 900 words long
  2. all submissions are subject to grammatical and spelling editing
  3. Keep it G rated
  4. no cursing or swearing
  5. Must be respectful of different view points

Lastly I hold the final say on everything that gets posted here and hold the right to decline guest posts If I feel it does not meet the guidelines. If there is enough interest I would love to get this going within the next couple weeks and possibly make this a weekly feature. Also use the contact page to submit any submissions.

Cheers,

Addy

You Are Worth It

You are worth every, dream, desire, and aspiration you have, so please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. There will away be  people who don’t believe in your goals, but it’s not appropriate for anyone to tell you that you are not worthy of something for any reason at all. If someone tries to pull this stuff with you I hope that you are able to easily remove said person or persons from your life because statements like these are toxic and can be quite damaging to your being. If you let these statements go on long enough that you start to believe these statements it will mess with the way you think and may take even longer to fix.

I’ve been there so I fully understand how much these things can affect someone and how much longer it takes to fix. People like this were actually the beginning of that open door policy on friendships that I mentioned in a post earlier this week. We live in a wold where outside of our own heads every force is working against you so you can’t let your own thought process morph and be fighting against you as well. There is more than enough negativity and set backs in life that you don’t need anyone, friends, family, or mentors hating on you in any way shape or form.

In a world where we are one of billions of people we dp need to have goals to strive for to make a mark in the world. Instead of trying to become famous focus on becoming the best in your industry whatever that may be and your name will eventually speak for itself. You can do anything you put your mind to so get out there and go to great things.

Cheers,

Addy

Remember To Follow Through

Whatever your goals are, if you take steps each day towards accomplishing those goals eventually you will get there. Depending on what your goals are you may surprise yourself and complete them sooner than anticipated once you get rolling. The biggest part of achieving a goal of any size is not giving up no matter how tough it gets or if you plateau. The path to achieving anything is not a straight line it is more like a roller coaster with multiple spontaneous loops.

I’ve noticed a lot recently that people now a days would much rather quit when things get tough than see anything through until the end. If you give up on everything you commit to doing as soon as it gets tough you will never know the gratifying feeling of completing a project. If you want to be successful at anything in life you will have to learn to stick with a project to the end no matter how boring or tedious, some things just need to get done. Yes it is a lot more work than giving up, but it is also more than worth it I promise.

The saying “Nothing worth it is easy” exists for a reason. That is because it is one hundred percent true. Getting to where I am in my stroke recovery was not at all easy, but the other option was to be stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, so it was worth it. Nothing you achieve in life that will give you a gratifying feeling will ever be easy, I’m sorry but it is just the truth.

Addy

Non-fiction My Experience 

Writing about things that actually happened can be very strenuous and even bring up trauma that you did not know existed depending on the topic. Writing Paralysis: Beating The Odds was a great experience, but there is one thing for sure, I hate writing non fiction. As much as I love how I outlined the journey covering both the ups and downs in recovery Writing it was not the same soul food I get from writing fiction. There is no escape when you are reliving three years of event week by week.

If I ever end up writing non-fiction again I think it would just be a sequel to this say “ten years post stroke where am I now’ kind of thing. Through this process I learned a lot of things and some of them I found quite hilarious. I write just like I speak so grammatically a portion of my sentence structure was backwards before editing. then there were specific words that were in almost every second line, I have decided to stop using the word thankfully in my vocabulary because of this haha.

The best thing to come out of Paralysis: Beating The Odds is definitely that it was very cathartic. I did not know that I was still holding onto anything from the stroke until I wrote the book and in a few spots had a stream of tears running down my face. If nothing else I learned that I much prefer to read non-fiction than I do to write it myself.

Cheers,

Addy

Be Gracious

No matter how bad things are for you at any given time remember that there is someone out there that has it worse. Instead of focusing on the things you don’t have focus on the things you do and learn to be grateful for each of those things. Once you switch your perspective you will begin to notice more of what you do have and less of what you assume is missing.

Personally it took a medical fiasco paralyzing half my body to find that gracious perspective to see all the things I did have. I may not have the most or the best things, but I have friends that love and support me through thick and thin, so those material things don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. If you have friends that love and support you throughout your journey you are already doing better than some people.

I was very fortunate to learn how to be gracious at a very young age as it also sorted through my real friends and my fake friends with no effort. Yes I have had my faire share of struggles, but they made me the strong person I am today so it was well worth the trade-off. I am really lucky to have over a handful of people who have been here for me through this entire process and who put up with my high level of sarcasm at all times haha.

Please start appreciating what you have instead of focussing on what you do not have focus on what you do have instead,

Addy

Living While Burnt Out

Throughout life we will all go through stages of burn out at different times for different reasons. Personally I seem to function in a way that I burn out often, but I become insanely high functioning at these times. Depending on what I’m doing I may take steps to reach burn out knowing that it could help me finish something sooner. In the last three and a half years alone I have burnt out more times than I would like to admit, but when half your body is recovering from something it tends to take a lot out of a person.

When I burn out for any reason the first thing that happens is hat no matter how much or how little I sleep I do not feel as if I have rested at all. This results in shifting into autopilot, and becoming robot like and not really being there mentally. Everything still happens in my daily routine, but in all honesty I do become a little more sardonic than sarcastic haha. If you ever cross paths with me during a burn out you will know because everything seems very automated and less me.

It is important that when you burn out you need to take time to meet your needs and rejuvenate because a burn out period is not going to resolve itself without some attention. We are only almost half way through the year and I have already burnt out twice over the book and editing. Now that it is done and I’m waiting for it to be available in all amazon markets I have taken a full day to just relax, I even took a three-hour nap. I feel like at least one day a week should look like this regularly.

Stop chasing People

If someone wants to be a part of your life they will make the effort and you will never be left questioning if they want to be a part of your life or not. If for any reason you start to doubt someone’s want to be in your life you are already getting a signal that they might not so listen to that intuition. If you are constantly chasing everyone in your life to stay you are bound to end up with a group of people who truly no longer want to be there for you and that is an unfortunate situation that you can avoid.

This is why I have an open door policy on all friendships. What I mean by this is that if someone wants to leave I will gladly hold the door open for them. I understand that as i grow, change, and focus on other aspects of life friendships grow and change as well so these adaptations in friendships are not always a bad thing. Yes losing certain friendships will hurt, but in the long rn it will be more beneficial to both involved parties. You will feel a lot better letting go of a friendship that no longer fits in the end.

Stop chasing friendship, relationships, or anything else for that matter. Non of these things are a one way street and if you are always putting in all the effort you are going to find it exhausting. You do not need people in your life that don’t understand and appreciate having your unique self around.

Cheers,

Addy