Losing someone who truly is a big part of your world is one of those things that either breaks you or makes you stronger, but for me it was a mix of both. It broke me for over a year before It made me stronger. There were a few things that definitely helped and hindered the healing process and that’s what today’s post is about.
Things that helped me:
When you lose someone and are grieving I found that the easiest way to stop feeling like crap is to get some exercise. Personally I chose to run because that’s the easiest way for me to get all the positive endorphins flowing, but weights and other forms of physical ctivity help to so do what works best for you.
In the darkest of moments we have to be able to hold on and go to that uninterrupted happy place. For me I go to my favourite place I have travelled to which happens to be a beach on the island of Samso Denmark where I imagine myself laying on the beach drinking a margarita in July with my friends in the sunshine. As I visualize it I can hear the waves crashing into the shoreline and all the birds being vocal and having a riot. Then there’s a row of family and friends just soaking up the sun and reminding each other of all te fun times of the good old days. It’s a peacefully happy place.
Despite any and all of the emotions you are feeling remember to take care of yourself and do what you need to get through the ups and downs of losing someone. For me self-care is usually one of two things: a solo dance party, or spa day. When it comes to a solo dance party I throw on a mix of my favourite feel good songs and albums and dance it out until I feel better. Spa days can be a variety of things from a face mask and some down time to an aroma therapy bath, either way it’s also a great way to pamper oneself into feeling better.
One of my most important people I have probably written over twenty letters to her as if I could send them to her and she could read them. Even though I know she will never physically receive them, It is pretty cathartic to write out each thought and emotion at the time. Sometimes after they’re done I read them out loud with tears running down my face like a waterfall as if should was standing over my shoulder listening. Strange, but definitely helpful.
Being Social/ Talking about it,
Getting out of the house to go be with friends doing anything or nothing and just hanging out was one of the best distractions to get out of my own head in the tougher times of grief. When I say talk about it, I mean when you’re with someone you trust and they ask you how you are doing don’t lie and say you’re fine as you hold back all the emotions. Let you’re friends in on how you aren’t doing great and depending on how the respond you will get an open ear to talk to and a shoulder to cry on if you need it.
Things that hindered:
It doesn’t matter how much it hurts I promise that no amount of any substance will help in the long run. For the first several months after loosing her I drank often just to stay numb and get through the day and it was the worst thing I could have done. Let yourself feel all the emotions running through your body and just try to deal with them one on one as they come by. Numb is bad even when one feels like they are completely dead inside.
Don’t Eat those Feelings I promise that after you eat them you’ll just be angry with yourself for gaining that weight that you will want to immediately lose. I gained fifteen punds after I lost my most important person solely because I couldn’t go and run off my emotions because it was four months after a stroke. After I realized what I had gained not only was I crying over greif I was crying over my weight gain. Don’t eat the tub of icecream.
Shutting Everyone Out
Honestly I shut down emotionally for four or five months not letting anyone know that I was completely dead inside behind the smile. Again not a great choice, but It showed me what not to do if nothing else. I shut everyone out to the point where nobody even knew how much her death affected me and that was very unhealthy. When I opened up about it I learned who wasn’t really a friend with each response that went along the lines of, “She’s dead get over it.”
Being A couch potato,
Also don’t hide from the world because you think you are the only one feeling these kinds of pain. There are a lot of us going through similar things that can show you the empathy and give you that metaphorical shoulder to cry on. Don’t just lay in bed and watch movies that make you more sad and more deppressed because you’re loved ones will always be in your heart and they would want you to live your life to the fullest each day.
Greif can be Really hard, but surviving the last three years of my person being gone has taught me to live life to the fullest knowing that she will always be right there in my heart. A year and a half after her passing I got a memorial tattoo on my chest as a daily reminder that she will always be in my heart and that helped me move forward a lot. I’m luckily at a stage where during the sad days I go through all the happpy memories and times we had together and that helps my heart smile. In the end I was very lucky to have the friendship and eternal love we shared even during our disagreements.
I hope that my experiences with greif can help at least one person deal with the loss of their loved one,